Category: Small Groups

The Power of Notes

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I have a very simple, tried-and-true, stand-by counseling technique that I believe could benefit and improve the practice of all educators — not just school counselors.  It is a quick, easy, and effective tool that often takes only a few moments to use with a long lasting impact.  It is a practice that creates connections, is student-centered, and promotes well-being in the classroom.  It is a tool I turn to over and over again and am continually shocked, amazed, and surprised with the outcome.  What is this magic tool?  A note.

Dr. Linda Metcalf writes of uses notes in her counseling practice to connect with students, remind them of their goals, and to celebrate successes. When I first learned of this tool to support counseling, it naturally stuck in my mind.  Personally I have always enjoyed writing and sending hand-written notes.  These might be to give thanks, to celebrate, or to simply say “I’m thinking of you.”  In my personal life, I have always received positive feedback about how meaningful notes are and how they make an individual feel.  Therefore, when I learned this could become part of my professional practice, I was an immediate believer.  If a note has such an impact to someone who does not necessarily “need” support, how much more of an impact could it have then on a student who is working through a problem, issue, or stressful event.  I was excited to see if this was a meaningful and authentic tool to add to my counseling tool-box.

The first time I wrote a note to a student, I was unsure how it would be received.  I was working with a student who lacked a positive school affiliation.  He had bought into the belief that he was not smart, a troublemaker, and that no teacher liked him.  After meeting a few times together (and feeling like our sessions were not moving forward), I decided to write him a note.  It was simple.  I took construction paper, some markers, and sat at my desk.  In the note, I greeted him, told him good morning, and that I was very excited to have him at school that day.  I wrote that I could not wait to see him after lunch and hear how his morning had gone.  Then, I went to his classroom and placed the note on his desk in an inconspicuous place.

That morning, during passing periods, I noticed that this student was smiling more and seemed a little more happy.  At lunch, he was engaged with friends and joined in a game.  At our session that afternoon, he did not mention the note but he did seem (for the first time) to be excited to connect with me and create a plan for how to complete some missing assignments.  It was the first time that he fully bought into our counseling session and advocated for his own needs instead of believing what others thought of him.

Since this experience years ago, I have regularly used the note as part of my counseling practice.

If a student is struggling to separate from parents and caregivers in the morning, I write a note saying how glad I am they are at school and how proud I am of them for joining their learning community without fear.  

If a student is new to our school and trying to transition in, I write a note acknowledging the fear and bravery that comes from entering a community where no one knows you.  

If a student is working through a death or divorce, I write a note commending the student on his/her ability to be at school, learning, thinking, and participating when her/his mind might not feel like it.

 If a student has been working on changing a behavior from an undesirable one to a more pro-social one, I write a note praising the student on a time I “caught” them in the desirable behavior and stating I am eager to see the momentum continue.  

At times, a student will come by and say “thank you” for the note.  Most often, they do not.  I do see little changes, though, whether it be in a smile, a change in behavior, stopping to say hi more often, or a little more buy-in during future interactions.  I do often hear from teachers, parents, and other stakeholders that when the student read the note, there was a genuine smile on the student’s face.  And, every once in a blue moon, a student writes me a note back!  For me, that is enough to keep writing notes and believing in the power of them to positively impact students.  In fact, the note is one of the most used tools in my counseling tool-box.IMG_0380

Is there a student you think could benefit from a personalized note?  Have you used notes in your educational practice before?  Are there other ways you think a note could benefit the school community?

In the Conflict: Exhibition Guidance

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It is the time of year in IB Primary Years Program schools where the upper grade students are diving into the world of the PYP Exhibition.  The goal of the exhibition is to help students synthesize their understanding of the PYP through student centered group inquiry.  The reality is that with all this student centered group inquiry also comes a lot of group conflict.

In my current school community, part of the exhibition process includes proactive classroom guidance lessons around conflict and conflict resolution.  Over the past few years it has become evident that providing students with a simple framework of how to address conflict when it arises has reduced the amount of conflict that impedes student productivity and negatively impacts the exhibition process.

The American School Counselor Association Model’s Personal/Social Domain notes that through self-knowledge application students will “use a decision-making and problem-solving model” in order to “make decisions, set goals, and take necessary action to achieve goals” (ASCA, 2005).  The International Model for School Counseling Programs Global Perspective Domain also notes that student should “recognize that cultural values and beliefs may conflict” (IMSCP, 2011).  With these guiding documents in mind, I developed guidance lessons to prepare students for the impending conflict that is enmeshed in a group of 10 year olds creating and unpacking their own inquiry cycle.

The Lesson:  To start the lesson, students did a brief Think-Pair-Share around the word conflict.  What is it?  How do we define it?  Where have we observed conflict before?  We then spend time dialoguing about how conflict can be positive and healthy if we work through conflict to solve problems.  Students are typically challenged the idea that a “problem” or “fight” can be a good thing and it typically takes some concrete student-shared examples of times when conflict was resolved to fully grasp this concept.

We then spend time as a class exploring what might cause conflict.  Being in an international community, some common answers include “being from different countries, being from different religions, believing different things, liking different things.”  Students make the connection that cultural differences or something as simple as what country one is from can create natural conflict.

After conflict has been unpacked and normalized, a simple 4 step conflict resolution model is introduced.  Students are informed that if they only remember 1 thing it should be “C-T-C-T.”  The four steps include:

1) Communicate:  Use “I statements” to explain your point of view.  Remember that communication means talking and listening.  Attack the problem, not the person.

2) Think:  Brainstorm all possible ways to resolve the issue or solve the conflict.  Come up with ideas and think creatively.  Always ask yourself “what needs to happen so we can solve this issue?”

3) Compromise:  Remember that this needs to be a “win-win” situation for all parties involved.  Everyone needs to walk away feeling good about the decision being made. *Some ways that grade 5 students noted they could reach compromise include flipping a coin, picking a number between 1 and 10, taking turns making the decision, rock, paper, scissors.  Whatever you choose, make sure all group members agree on the outcome first.

4) Try and try again:  If the idea does not work or the conflict is not resolved, pick another idea and start again.  Remember that working through conflict takes work and is a skill that we have to develop and learn over time.

After we create an anchor chart with the 4 steps to conflict resolution, a case study is presented to model the steps. Students role play and share out their methods of resolving the conflict in the case study.

Finally, the conflict becomes real for the students as an activity is introduced.  Students are divided into groups of 4.  Each group is provided a marker and some paper.  Each marker has 4 equal pieces of string taped to it.  Each student can hold one string at the end of the string.  They are not allowed to touch the marker, paper, or move their hands up the string closer to the marker.  They are presented the challenge of having to draw pictures as a group holding only their string.

Time is provided to Communicate and Think (Brainstorm).  The first challenge is presented (“Draw the letter ‘A'”) and the conflict ensues.  As groups work to complete the assigned task, tensions arise.  Voices get loud.  Emotions escalate.  Typically some groups stay calm and work together.  More commonly, groups become very tense, agitated, and begin to implode unable to complete the task.

After a few moments, the task is stopped and students are asked to be reflective.  How many had conflict?  How many continued to communicate, think, compromise, and try new strategies?  How many used attacking language and gave up?  What would need to change for their group to be successful in their second attempt?

As the activity continues and the challenges get a little more difficult (draw a triangle, square and circle.  Draw your teacher), groups continue to struggle through with conflict.  Some become more aware of stopping to talk, re-strategize, and listen to one another.  Others continue to be caught in frustration and unable to be productive.

Finally, we regather as a class to debrief.  The question, “Tell me what happened?” is presented and the students begin to respond in a variety of ways.  Some celebrate their successes.  Others reflect on their failure.  Some name where their team got off track.  Others try to play the blame game and accuse one team member.  More often than not, the class makes the connection that they were deliberately put under stress and in a tough group situation to see how they reacted and if they remembered “C-T-C-T.”

When asked, “What do you think this activity has to do with exhibition?” many students understand that it will take a team to create a final project.  Most likely there will be conflict within this team.  The best thing is to stay solution-focused and work through the tension before it gets too big to manage.

The guidance is not a catch all. Through the exhibition process there is still ample conflict we guide and assist groups through.  However, being proactive in teaching conflict resolution skills and normalizing group conflict provides a healthy jumping off point for groups as they head into the rewarding, yet stress, exhibition process.