Tag: Guidance

The Power of Notes

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I have a very simple, tried-and-true, stand-by counseling technique that I believe could benefit and improve the practice of all educators — not just school counselors.  It is a quick, easy, and effective tool that often takes only a few moments to use with a long lasting impact.  It is a practice that creates connections, is student-centered, and promotes well-being in the classroom.  It is a tool I turn to over and over again and am continually shocked, amazed, and surprised with the outcome.  What is this magic tool?  A note.

Dr. Linda Metcalf writes of uses notes in her counseling practice to connect with students, remind them of their goals, and to celebrate successes. When I first learned of this tool to support counseling, it naturally stuck in my mind.  Personally I have always enjoyed writing and sending hand-written notes.  These might be to give thanks, to celebrate, or to simply say “I’m thinking of you.”  In my personal life, I have always received positive feedback about how meaningful notes are and how they make an individual feel.  Therefore, when I learned this could become part of my professional practice, I was an immediate believer.  If a note has such an impact to someone who does not necessarily “need” support, how much more of an impact could it have then on a student who is working through a problem, issue, or stressful event.  I was excited to see if this was a meaningful and authentic tool to add to my counseling tool-box.

The first time I wrote a note to a student, I was unsure how it would be received.  I was working with a student who lacked a positive school affiliation.  He had bought into the belief that he was not smart, a troublemaker, and that no teacher liked him.  After meeting a few times together (and feeling like our sessions were not moving forward), I decided to write him a note.  It was simple.  I took construction paper, some markers, and sat at my desk.  In the note, I greeted him, told him good morning, and that I was very excited to have him at school that day.  I wrote that I could not wait to see him after lunch and hear how his morning had gone.  Then, I went to his classroom and placed the note on his desk in an inconspicuous place.

That morning, during passing periods, I noticed that this student was smiling more and seemed a little more happy.  At lunch, he was engaged with friends and joined in a game.  At our session that afternoon, he did not mention the note but he did seem (for the first time) to be excited to connect with me and create a plan for how to complete some missing assignments.  It was the first time that he fully bought into our counseling session and advocated for his own needs instead of believing what others thought of him.

Since this experience years ago, I have regularly used the note as part of my counseling practice.

If a student is struggling to separate from parents and caregivers in the morning, I write a note saying how glad I am they are at school and how proud I am of them for joining their learning community without fear.  

If a student is new to our school and trying to transition in, I write a note acknowledging the fear and bravery that comes from entering a community where no one knows you.  

If a student is working through a death or divorce, I write a note commending the student on his/her ability to be at school, learning, thinking, and participating when her/his mind might not feel like it.

 If a student has been working on changing a behavior from an undesirable one to a more pro-social one, I write a note praising the student on a time I “caught” them in the desirable behavior and stating I am eager to see the momentum continue.  

At times, a student will come by and say “thank you” for the note.  Most often, they do not.  I do see little changes, though, whether it be in a smile, a change in behavior, stopping to say hi more often, or a little more buy-in during future interactions.  I do often hear from teachers, parents, and other stakeholders that when the student read the note, there was a genuine smile on the student’s face.  And, every once in a blue moon, a student writes me a note back!  For me, that is enough to keep writing notes and believing in the power of them to positively impact students.  In fact, the note is one of the most used tools in my counseling tool-box.IMG_0380

Is there a student you think could benefit from a personalized note?  Have you used notes in your educational practice before?  Are there other ways you think a note could benefit the school community?

My Magic Question

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I have a magic question.  It is simple yet powerful.  It is empowering and not degrading. It is:

“In the future, what would I see different?”

I use this question all day, in all situations, with all ages of students.  If I am speaking with a student about an undesirable behavior I have observed — I ask this question.  If I see a student who has forgotten or is struggling with a school routine or expectation — I ask this question.  If I am dialoguing with children who are stuck in conflict or trying to make sense of the choices they made — I ask this question.

This question is magic because it …

  1. Moves the conversation from an authoritative lecture to an supportive learning opportunity
  2. Empowers students to be thinkers and use their voice
  3. Creates a natural opportunity for student reflection and proposed action
  4. Creates a sense of student buy-in where the student can actually follow through on the “difference” they name
  5. Shows the student you don’t define her/him by his/her current choice/action but rather …
  6. … Shows the student you believe they are capable of changing behaviors and making positive choices
  7. Allows students to practice problem solving skills and become solution-focused

This question has not failed me.  Sure, sometimes students stop and hesitate before answering.  However, I like to believe it is because they are genuinely surprised that someone would ask and then they are thinking of an honest, thoughtful response.  I love the way that when I ask this question, a sense of worry visibly disappears from student faces.  They know that this is not a punitive conversation where they will end up “in trouble.”  Rather, it seems that when students hear this question, they realize that I am supporting them in their behavior and action development. It is always inspiring to hear the response of a student who clearly has a plan to choose a different plan of action in the future.  It is also liberating to spend more time listening than talking.

So, go ahead.  Steal my magic question.  I dare you.

Simulations in Guidance: Mock Day

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Socratic Seminars.  Tea Parties.  Historian’s Breakfast.  Process Dramas.  In today’s relevant classroom, simulations are everywhere.  Simulations — intentionally staged activities and event that bring real world experiences in the classroom setting so as to enhance student learning — are an integral portion of a student’s learning and understanding of concepts in today’s global classroom.  Simulations — no matter how simple or complex — are a powerful learning tool in that often mimic real life and real world experiences.  According to Edgar Dale’s Cone of Experience, the very best learning experiences occur when doing the real thing.  Simulations fall only second to the “real thing.”  Therefore, to create meaningful learning for students, simulations should be planned and included in their educational process.

So what does this mean for a school counselor?  How can a school counselor create simulation experiences that are meaningful, authentic, and have a lasting impact on student learning?  How does a counselor engage students using simulations that impact the academic, social-emotional, career, or global development of a child? Should school counselors spend time creating simulations or should that work be left to homeroom teachers?

Just like a homeroom teacher, a counselor should be skilled in creating simulations to engage student inquiry and learning.  One way I have managed to successfully use simulations to create meaningful learning opportunities for students is during our elementary to middle school transition program.  In spite of all three divisions being housed on the same gated campus, our grade 5 students complete a comprehensive transitions guidance program.  This includes classroom guidance around reflecting on the elementary and PYP experience, having questions answered about middle school and the MYP, participating in middle school tours, meeting middle school ambassadors and advisors, attending a middle school assembly, and more.  However, what came to surface is that even with all this programming, students still walked around with a lot of unease and trepidation about what middle school looks like, feels like, and sounds like. The unknown experiences were causing a lot of stress.  I could answer all the questions I wanted about changing for PE but since the students had never experienced this activity — their unease remained.

Enter guidance simulation activity.  

After consulting with the grade five teaching team, a Middle School Mock Day simulation was designed and implemented.  This means our grade 5 students spend a whole day experiencing middle school in the comfort of their own elementary hall.

Students in first five minute transition period. Chaos ensues.

Students in first five minute transition period. Chaos ensues.

How it works:  Each homeroom teacher is assigned a teaching subject for the day. These subjects are based off the current offerings our grade six students have.  We bring in specialist teachers to cover specific subjects and to create prep periods for our homeroom teachers.  A master set of student schedules is created based on the middle school timetable (55 minute classes with 5 minute passing periods).  Students are assigned a schedule at random with consideration being made to accommodate mother tongue class needs. PE space, break space, canteen needs, supervision, and supplies are all arranged as necessary.   A meeting is held with all staff involved or impacted by Mock Day to go over logistics and questions.  Students are then briefed about the day and informed that, just like in middle school, they are going to have a random, rotating schedule of classes that is made up of random groupings of their peers.  They are informed that they might not have all the classes being offered (as true at the middle school level) and that they might have different peers in each class.  They are also notified about now only having one lunch break (compared to the 2 in elementary) as well as only having one small “play” area instead of a playground.  They are told about the daily advisory class in middle school which in the simulation means the students go back to their homeroom teachers to do some debriefing and reflecting about the day.  Just like in middle school, advisory is a brief time with a trusted adult to discuss current things happening in the students’ lives and create strategies or interventions to solve problems and be successful.  In the Mock Day simulation planning process we try to balance the amount of information we provide students so that they are comfortable while still leaving room for inquiry and for an organic experience to unfold.  It is important to let the day play out for the students — we have not made everything “safe” for them which would create an inauthentic experience as there are always unknowns in life.

To allow the simulation to have the most impact we also enforce middle school rules: students must wear pants (no shorts) with their uniform, they cannot use mobile phones as devices, they collect tardies if they do not make it to class on time during the five minute transition and — the biggest one of all — the students have to change into and out of their PE uniforms prior to PE (which every student is guaranteed to have on his/her schedule).  *Out of all the biggest fears, worries, and concerns about moving to middle school, changing for PE is consistently listed as the biggest worry.  Once again, we could talk about it being easy and not scary but until the students experience it, the fear remains real.*

On Mock Day, students arrive to school with their schedules and begin the rotation process.  A bell is used to indicate the start and end of classes and warnings are provided as the 5 minute passing period counts down.  When staff see students struggling, frustrated, or perhaps engaged in an undesirable behavior, we pull the student aside to have a conversation and to make a connection to middle school. Every situation is presented as a learning experience.

Students during the first 5 minute transition period. Chaos ensues.

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The energy at the start of Mock Day is high.  Students are excited, staff are engaged, and learning is occurring authentically.  Not only is there the academic learning, but more importantly, social and emotional learning is taking place.  It is amazing to see the student energy shift throughout the day when students get settled in.  The frenzy dies out and the confidence sets in.  Students are spending more of their transition time at their cubbies (lockers), having snacks between classes, visiting with friends.  Also, after their PE changing experience when students successfully change clothes, fill their water bottles, and make it to class on time, the smile on their faces is evidence that this unease about changing is diminishing — through experience, the students have developed in the social-emotional domain.

By the end of Mock Day, students are tired yet happy and invigorated.  The feedback/reflection sheets are genuinely positive and supportive of the simulation process.  Student feedback shows an increase in confidence about middle school, a connection that middle school is not that different from middle school, an excitement to move up to the middle school campus, and a lot of thanks for having the mock day simulation.

So, do simulations have a place in guidance?  Is it the school counselor’s responsibility to provide experiential learning opportunities for students?  Absolutely.  By providing a Mock Day for our students, the middle school transition process moved from theoretical to concrete.  Students developed not only in the academic but also the social-emotional domains.  Through a simulation, students were able to experience activities that helped alleviate concerns and fears.  The simulation helped students develop confidence and understand that in all actuality, middle school is not so different from elementary.  Most importantly, the simulation allowed students to face the unknown in a supportive, familiar environment surrounded by their peers and teachers who could address concerns and celebrate successes as they happened.

This is one method of using simulations to promote guidance activities.  What are some other ideas on how to use simulations as a school counselor?  How have you used simulations to support the academic, career, or social-emotional development of students?

Being Reflective with “Trouble Starters”

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“How do I make friends?”  “How do I keep friends?”  These are two of the questions that I am most frequently asked by students across all grade levels in my daily counseling practice.  In response, I always start by turning back to the IB Learner Profile and reviewing with students what it means to be reflective.  Students explain their knowledge and understanding of this profile trait and I reiterate that being reflective means thinking about yourself and the role you play in any situation.

Then, I turn to one of my most trusted resources to help students in their reflection process and in making meaning of their friendship questions and issues.  I pull out my “Trouble Starters” list which I originally found in a book from the American Girl Company called Friends: Making them and keeping them (Criswell, 2006).  This resource names 10 actions or choices that a student (or adult) might make that would most likely cause conflict with a friend.

10 Trouble Starters in an infographic I made for use in my counseling practice.

10 Trouble Starters in an infographic I made for use in my counseling practice.

 

Together the student and I look through the list, one item at a time.  I make sure the student understands what each action means and that they have context for the statement.  We then spend time dialoguing around why this might cause problems with friends.  Then, I ask the student to reflect silently on if she/he might have ever intentionally or accidentally engaged in that action.  Often the student shares out his/her response and a personal example or connection.  After this I always ask, “In the future, what will look different?”  At this point, the student usually spends some time thinking and responding about different choices she/he could make to avoid a trouble starter with friends.  Sometimes we spend time planning for actual conversations or situations.  Sometimes it is more theoretical or vague.  No matter what, I always communicate that we are focusing on his/her actions NOT the friend’s actions as the only person we can ever change is our self.

I have found that this list of Trouble Starters is a powerful tool for students of all ages as they can make personal connections between their actions and the impact on the friendship.  Each trouble starter also seems to be a universal action that students comprehend regardless of home culture, community, or country making this a great resource for the international school community.  I have also had many students report back when they 1) caused conflict with friends by using a trouble starter or 2) avoided conflict by choosing a different action.  When this happens I always acknowledge the student being reflective and either celebrate or counsel accordingly.

Trouble Starters has been in my counseling tool kit for years.  What other resources do you rely on to explicitly teach friendship skills?  How do you encourage student reflection?

Criswell, P.K.  (2006).  Friends: Making them and keeping them.  Middleton, WI:  American Girls Publishing, Inc.

In the Conflict: Exhibition Guidance

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It is the time of year in IB Primary Years Program schools where the upper grade students are diving into the world of the PYP Exhibition.  The goal of the exhibition is to help students synthesize their understanding of the PYP through student centered group inquiry.  The reality is that with all this student centered group inquiry also comes a lot of group conflict.

In my current school community, part of the exhibition process includes proactive classroom guidance lessons around conflict and conflict resolution.  Over the past few years it has become evident that providing students with a simple framework of how to address conflict when it arises has reduced the amount of conflict that impedes student productivity and negatively impacts the exhibition process.

The American School Counselor Association Model’s Personal/Social Domain notes that through self-knowledge application students will “use a decision-making and problem-solving model” in order to “make decisions, set goals, and take necessary action to achieve goals” (ASCA, 2005).  The International Model for School Counseling Programs Global Perspective Domain also notes that student should “recognize that cultural values and beliefs may conflict” (IMSCP, 2011).  With these guiding documents in mind, I developed guidance lessons to prepare students for the impending conflict that is enmeshed in a group of 10 year olds creating and unpacking their own inquiry cycle.

The Lesson:  To start the lesson, students did a brief Think-Pair-Share around the word conflict.  What is it?  How do we define it?  Where have we observed conflict before?  We then spend time dialoguing about how conflict can be positive and healthy if we work through conflict to solve problems.  Students are typically challenged the idea that a “problem” or “fight” can be a good thing and it typically takes some concrete student-shared examples of times when conflict was resolved to fully grasp this concept.

We then spend time as a class exploring what might cause conflict.  Being in an international community, some common answers include “being from different countries, being from different religions, believing different things, liking different things.”  Students make the connection that cultural differences or something as simple as what country one is from can create natural conflict.

After conflict has been unpacked and normalized, a simple 4 step conflict resolution model is introduced.  Students are informed that if they only remember 1 thing it should be “C-T-C-T.”  The four steps include:

1) Communicate:  Use “I statements” to explain your point of view.  Remember that communication means talking and listening.  Attack the problem, not the person.

2) Think:  Brainstorm all possible ways to resolve the issue or solve the conflict.  Come up with ideas and think creatively.  Always ask yourself “what needs to happen so we can solve this issue?”

3) Compromise:  Remember that this needs to be a “win-win” situation for all parties involved.  Everyone needs to walk away feeling good about the decision being made. *Some ways that grade 5 students noted they could reach compromise include flipping a coin, picking a number between 1 and 10, taking turns making the decision, rock, paper, scissors.  Whatever you choose, make sure all group members agree on the outcome first.

4) Try and try again:  If the idea does not work or the conflict is not resolved, pick another idea and start again.  Remember that working through conflict takes work and is a skill that we have to develop and learn over time.

After we create an anchor chart with the 4 steps to conflict resolution, a case study is presented to model the steps. Students role play and share out their methods of resolving the conflict in the case study.

Finally, the conflict becomes real for the students as an activity is introduced.  Students are divided into groups of 4.  Each group is provided a marker and some paper.  Each marker has 4 equal pieces of string taped to it.  Each student can hold one string at the end of the string.  They are not allowed to touch the marker, paper, or move their hands up the string closer to the marker.  They are presented the challenge of having to draw pictures as a group holding only their string.

Time is provided to Communicate and Think (Brainstorm).  The first challenge is presented (“Draw the letter ‘A'”) and the conflict ensues.  As groups work to complete the assigned task, tensions arise.  Voices get loud.  Emotions escalate.  Typically some groups stay calm and work together.  More commonly, groups become very tense, agitated, and begin to implode unable to complete the task.

After a few moments, the task is stopped and students are asked to be reflective.  How many had conflict?  How many continued to communicate, think, compromise, and try new strategies?  How many used attacking language and gave up?  What would need to change for their group to be successful in their second attempt?

As the activity continues and the challenges get a little more difficult (draw a triangle, square and circle.  Draw your teacher), groups continue to struggle through with conflict.  Some become more aware of stopping to talk, re-strategize, and listen to one another.  Others continue to be caught in frustration and unable to be productive.

Finally, we regather as a class to debrief.  The question, “Tell me what happened?” is presented and the students begin to respond in a variety of ways.  Some celebrate their successes.  Others reflect on their failure.  Some name where their team got off track.  Others try to play the blame game and accuse one team member.  More often than not, the class makes the connection that they were deliberately put under stress and in a tough group situation to see how they reacted and if they remembered “C-T-C-T.”

When asked, “What do you think this activity has to do with exhibition?” many students understand that it will take a team to create a final project.  Most likely there will be conflict within this team.  The best thing is to stay solution-focused and work through the tension before it gets too big to manage.

The guidance is not a catch all. Through the exhibition process there is still ample conflict we guide and assist groups through.  However, being proactive in teaching conflict resolution skills and normalizing group conflict provides a healthy jumping off point for groups as they head into the rewarding, yet stress, exhibition process.